Past Self Portrait: Birungi, you are (not) hysterical
Medium: Bark cloth, banana fibres, wax pastel
Size: 85cm x 110 cm
Year: 2023
In the past, I am depicted enraged and cowering behind a shield. A machete has cut through the bark cloth canvas, a banana tree and is heading for me. It reads: patriarchy white supremacy imperialism ableism classism.
As a teenager, I was traumatised by my Father and learnt that when I express anger, I am “hysterical” and “don’t understand my culture”. This is gaslighting, cultural imperialism and patriarchal silencing. This treatment laid the foundations of self censorship, you can see my own hand is covering my mouth. I am screaming and I don’t believe anyone will listen. I have experienced bullying, gaslighting and manipulation in work settings and relationships which reinforced that when a disabled, Black, woman, from South East London speaks her mind, she is ignored. The machete coming towards me reads “patriarchy white supremacy imperialism ableism classism” as these are the forces which traumatise me. I needed to trace back where I learnt to silence myself, so I can create a space for my past self to be heard and comforted. I still carry this past self, but I am trying each day, to be alive to the opportunity of self expression in the present.
Bark cloth is used as a shroud to provide comfort, care and preservation of the dead. The matuba tree bark renews, under the skillful hands of artisans and the material is shed for our use. The banana tree fibres need to be cut, to promote growth and health. I am trying to shed, release and divest from systems, beliefs and practices which do not serve me or others.
I choose lighter side of the bark cloth to signify the UK. It's so white and I am tired of that being used against me.
You can view my past, present and future self portraits at Makerere University Gallery.
Monday to Friday 10am – 5pm and Saturday 10am – 4pm until Saturday 8 April
Thank you to 32° East Ugandan Arts Trust, Arts Council England, Moleskine Foundation, Akka Project, Linda Umutesi and FG Foundation.
Past Self Portrait: Birungi, you are (not) hysterical (2023)
Medium: Bark cloth, banana fibres, wax pastel