When I succumbed to the last depressive freeze burnout, I quit pursuing full-time work I choose to focus on one thing. Breathing. This hasn't been easy for me.
As a teenager my Dad broke up my family and I got heart palpitations from the terror of our broken bond. I couldn't focus at school and I was ashamed I wouldn't get a good job. My sole purpose on this earth apparently.
Heavy periods (menorrhagia) made me anaemic, faint and I had a terrifying shortness of breath.
Sitting beside an utter demon of a boss gave me intense stomach cramps and made my breathing ragged.
My date rapist took my body, so I abandoned it, watching myself suffocate from above.
Learning to breathe through terror and with a racing mind become my full time job. A choice. A chance to start to crawl back into my body. And be.
With just 5 deep inhales and slow exhales, I begun a life affirming meditation practice. When I learned to witness my thoughts, I started to implant new scripts. Was I really too weak? Was I really inconsistent or just exhausted from working 12 hours days? Who was I, outside of an employment contract/daughter/sister/friend?
Hypervigilance and sensitivity shields me and I honour where I feel safe. Slowing down helped me to begin to choose me and this is why I am sharing my art with you today.
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